


You've Got To Be Kidding Me

by AlwaysAmused



Series: The Avengers Family [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Clint/Natasha if you squint, Gen, Hilarity, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-18
Updated: 2014-11-18
Packaged: 2018-02-26 03:06:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2635691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlwaysAmused/pseuds/AlwaysAmused
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Tony abandoned his sandwich and walked down the hall to the living room. Sure enough, Clint was laying on the sofa with a bowl of Cheetos on his chest, fingers coated orange. He looked up and said "Oh. Hey, Tony."</p><p>"How the fuck did you get into my tower?" Tony asked, staring at him.</p><p>"Natasha let me in,” he replied, grinning."</p><p>A prompt I found on tumblr a while ago.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You've Got To Be Kidding Me

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel. Obviously.

“Tony, have you been here all day?” Pepper asked, arms crossed.

“Depends,” Tony said, not looking up from his waffle iron. “What's the day and time?”

 _"The date is June Third and the time is 9:53pm, Sir,"_  JARVIS’s voice replied. _"You have been here a total of thirteen hours_."

“ _Tony_ ,” Pepper sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose in exasperation. “JARVIS, has he eaten anything today?”

“Don’t answer that,” Tony said. “And yes, I've  _eaten_ , Pepper.”

“Twelve cups of coffee does not count as eating, Tony,” Pepper sighed. “We've talked about this.”

“Yeah, but look,” Tony said, pointing happily at the waffle iron.

“...It's a waffle iron,” Pepper said, unimpressed. “Have you been modifying a waffle iron for the past thirteen hours?”

“ _No_ , of course not,” Tony scowled. “I was working on an experiment originally.”

Pepper raised her eyebrows and gave him a disbelieving look, placing her hands on her hips. “Anthony Edward-”

“Oh, God,” Tony said, going pale. “How do you know my middle name? No one knows my middle name. Except me. And JARVIS. And probably Coulson.”

Pepper raised her eyebrows even further and said “I know your  _social security number_. You really think I don't know your middle name?”

Tony pouted at her and she rolled her eyes. “Get out of the lab. Go eat something. Don't come back down until you've eaten, showered, changed clothes, and slept for at least four hours.”

“But  _Pepper_ -” Tony began, but she cut him off.

“Don’t you 'but Pepper' me!” She growled. “I am your girlfriend and CEO and I am telling you to  _get out of this lab before I make you_.” She turned around to leave and he called “Is that a threat?”

She only turned around to give him a death glare. When she was gone, Tony looked wistfully at his waffle iron as JARVIS said " _Sir, Ms. Potts is probably correct; you should take a break_.

“Oh,  _sure_ ,” Tony snapped. “Side with her. I see where  _your_  loyalties lie.”

_"Also I estimate she will be back in fifty seconds to see if you're still here."_

“ _Shit_!” Tony grabbed his waffle iron and the things he needed before bolting out, calling “JARVIS, I swear if you tell her I'm bring the waffle iron with me, I'll donate you to MIT.”

JARVIS didn't answer. Tony went to the kitchen and dumped the waffle iron and toolbox on the table before walking to the fridge. He took out the makings for a sandwich and turned to the counter, but paused when he heard a noise.

“JARVIS, what's that noise?”

_"It appears the television is on, Sir."_

“Who turned it on?”

 _"Agent Barton, Sir_."

Tony stopped dead in the middle on cutting his sandwich in half. “...What?”

 _"Agent Barton, Sir,"_  JARVIS repeated.

Tony abandoned his sandwich and walked down the hall to the living room. Sure enough, Clint was laying on the sofa with a bowl of Cheetos on his chest, fingers coated orange. He looked up and said “Oh. Hey, Tony.”

“How the fuck did you get into my tower?” Tony asked, staring at him.

“Natasha let me in,” he replied, grinning.

Tony blinked and said “Natasha...?” He looked around and saw the spider lounging in jeans and a purple blouse, filing her nails. “How the fuck did  _you_  get into my house?!”

Natasha just gave him A Look and he sighed. “Right, forget that. What are you doing here?”

“Give us a break, Stark,” Natasha said. “We just saved the tri-state area.”

“I didn't hear anything happening in the tri-state area,”: Tony frowned.

“Yeah,” said Clint, picking out another Cheeto. “That’s because we do our fucking  _jobs_ , asshole.”

Tony stared at them both for a few minutes before shaking his head and saying “What're you watching?”

“Project Runway,” Clint said. “Natasha insisted.”

“That is a dirty lie and you know it,” Natasha said. Tony smirked and paused for a minute before saying “Hey, does  _Pepper_  know you're here?”

“No,” they both said in unison.

“Right,” Tony said. “JARVIS, inform Pepper that Clint and Natasha are crashing here.” He turned away and said “You can have the guest room. JARVIS'll show you where it is. You can have sex, but no smush-face on my couch, get it?”

“Capisce,” Clint said. Tony rubbed his eyes and went back into the kitchen. He finished cutting his sandwich in half and then glanced around before pouring himself a glass of scotch. He then returned to the living room and sat on a chair, putting his feet up and saying “Speaking of, where  _is_  the Capsicle?”

“He works for SHIELD now,” Clint said. “Nat's part of his unit.

“Only sometimes,” Natasha said. “You're still my favorite.”

“Damn straight,” Clint said through a mouthful of Cheetos. “Fury's stationed him in DC.”

“Oh,” Tony said. He chewed and was quietly watching the television until he said “No. Don't do that' your dress looks like a sweet potato. Listen to Tim. Always listen to Tim. She's going to get kicked off.”

Clint and Natasha both turned to stare at him and he looked up before saying “What? Everyone knows you have to listen to Tim!”

“Tony, do  _you_  watch Project Runway?” Clint asked, making a Judging You face.

“What?  _You_  watch it,” Tony defended. “Besides, why do you think I have such a good sense of fashion?”

“I thought Pepper dressed you, to be honest,” Clint said, turning back to the television.

“She does not dress me!” Tony snapped.

“Tony, if you could, you would go to every meeting you had in jeans and a tee shirt,” Natasha said.

“That implies I haven't gone to meetings in jeans and tee shirts,” he said. “Granted, Pepper made me wear a sports jacket, but— Why are you snickering?”

Clint burst out laughing and the bowl of Cheetos fell off of his chest, bouncing on the floor. “She  _does_  dress you! Oh, that's _adorable_.”

“Shut up, Robin Hood,” Tony snapped, then mumbled into his scotch “I'm manly as hell.”

A few minutes later, JARVIS said _"Sir, Ms. Potts is making her way to the living room."_

“Shit!” Tony got up and said “If she asks, I’ve got to my room. Say nothing.” He looked at the empty glass in his hand and said “Hey, Legolas. Catch!”

Clint caught it without even looking up and Tony raced to his bedroom before Pepper could get there.

“Remember, no smush-face!” He called. Natasha and Clint just rolled their eyes.

A few second later, Pepper came in. She looked at them and said “JARVIS told me you two were here. Where's Tony?”

“I think he said he was going to bed,” Clint said, putting the empty cup Tony had tossed him on his chest.

Pepper relaxed a bit and said “Good. He's been in his lab for thirteen hours.”

“Doing what?” Natasha asked.

“Something with a vacuum and a waffle iron,” Pepper said with a sigh. She brightened and said “Oh! Is this Project Runway?”

“Yeah,” Clint said. “Natasha insisted.”

“Lies!” Natasha hissed.

“I like it,” Pepper said. She sat down and after a few minutes said “That dress looks like a yam.”

“That's what Tony said,” Clint smirked. Pepper turned and saw the waffle iron. She narrowed her eyes.

" _TONY_!"

"SHIT!"

Clint turned away from the TV for a few minutes and grinned at Natasha. "I'll go make popcorn."

"I'll get my camera," she replied. "Meet you there in," she looked at the time, "three minutes?"

"Agreed."

**Author's Note:**

> A prompt I found on tumblr that can be found [here.](http://spacecore.co.vu/post/87249802878/asmilinggoddess-tony-walks-into-his-living-room)


End file.
